How To Overcome The Loss Of A Loved One

The loss of a loved one, loved one or close friend can tear deep wounds

The loss of a family member, if handled incorrectly, can put the bereaved on the best path to depression.

But if you deal consciously with the topic, you will be able to overcome the loss and then live a happy life in which the deceased harbors sweet memories …

The deep loss seems immeasurable

The loss of a close relative or a friend who was very close to you leads to great and immeasurable grief. It’s hard to imagine how things will go on without this person.

The grief pulls you into a deep, black hole. However, we all go through different stages during our grief.

Scientists working with Verena Kast developed a model over 30 years ago that shows that grief occurs in four phases.

Everyone experiences each phase differently, but basically everyone who has lost a loved one has to go through all four phases.

Only those who have lived through these phases can begin a “life after grief” freed and will not be overtaken by unprocessed feelings years later. The four stages of grief are:

negation

You just don’t want to admit it. What happened cannot be. The deceased will soon come safely through the door, because it cannot be that he is no longer!

You think you are in a wrong dream and you are waiting to wake up. Depending on the circumstances of death, this phase can last several weeks. This phase is usually long if the deceased died unexpectedly, for example due to an accident.

Strong emotions

If you have lived through the first phase and have become aware that it is a real loss and not a bad dream, the phase of strong emotions comes, which then “simmer” in you: anger, fear, anger, but joy too.

A confused mixture of strong feelings alternates, makes you restless. Often the guilty party is sought, such as the “incompetent doctor” or the “stupid nurse”. Feelings of guilt arise.

“If only I had cared more”, or also anger: “How could he leave me alone”.

Search, find, let go

Once you have passed through the first two phases, the emotions calm down and you begin to unconsciously search for the deceased.

You go to places where you have been together, sit in rooms where the deceased lived and try to feel the deceased.

The deceased’s clothes are worn and mementos are picked out. However, it is important to split up during this phase.  At some point to rearrange the room, to finish the daydreams, to have less and less inner dialogues with the deceased.

It is important to let go of the grief at some point and to part with it.

New start through acceptance

In the last phase you have accepted death, come to terms with the situation and are ready for a new beginning.

Psychologists say that this phase takes place after about six months.

The new beginning is strengthened by the personal experience of the severe loss, the feeling of “having made it”, “being over it” and the discovery of new possibilities that would not have opened up with the deceased.

One realizes that death is a part of life and begins to live it again and to shape it anew.

Alleviate grief and despair

You know that you have to go through these four phases, but if you have been in the third phase for too long and the letting go does not take place, then the following tips could help you to process the loss better so that you can finally let go and start over create.

• Move! Exercise is not only good for your circulation, but also for your soul. When exercising, ideally in the fresh air, the happiness hormone serotonin is released.

• Be thankful! It may sound cynical to your ears, but be grateful for the little things in life and then feel joy in the sun, your apartment, your life …
• Do not stay alone! Keep in touch with your friends, let them encourage you to do something together. Share your grief as well as the pain of the loss with friends!
• Spoil yourself! Don’t forget that you continue to be the most important person in your life. Pamper yourself with a relaxing bath, your favorite food, ice cream and hot chocolate …
• Believe in the good! Even if it doesn’t look like it at first: everything will be fine again! It depends on you! If you firmly believe in it, then you will see, everything will be fine again!